I am not Dr. Seuss

F is for "Feeling"

in The Alphabet of Bad Ideas

You're dead inside. This revelation doesn't fill you with any sort of emotion; the bits that would normally be upset at the discovery that they've died are already, well, the dead bits. You reflect on how you got here.

You were raised in a Christian household, brought up on good, old-fashioned Christian values. Not the absurd ones purportedly perpetuated by an insane mind-game-playing, child-murdering, genocidal God, just the ones left over when you cherry-pick out all the reasonable Biblical morals. Things like "try to be nice to people" and... well, maybe that's all you were left with. But you still went to church every Sunday and that was fine because you liked singing.

At some point, you caught on to the fact that the amount of utter bullshit you had to sift through to reach a reasonably coherent world view through the religion that had been thrust upon you from birth was possibly a sign that there was something maybe a touch off about the whole deal. You started acting out the only way you knew how, rebelling intellectually, spending your spare time browsing Wikipedia articles about theology, trying not to get derailed into articles about Hitler, and writing sentences that were maybe a little bit longer than they would have been if you were even slightly concerned about readability or conciseness. Why should you give a shit? After being lied to for the vast majority of your young life, nothing seemed to matter. You were a New Wave Nihilist.

After about two minutes of that, you tired of the mental gymnastics required to not kill yourself while insisting that nothing matters. You moved on to existentialism. Experiencing life could be your purpose. You could derive a meaning for yourself by spending time with loved ones, traveling, forging deep emotional connections with the world and the people in it.

Then you clicked a link on the internet. A man's gaping, distended anus immediately greeted you, and you were forever changed. Your previously-welling hope died instantly. You finally saw the world for the sick joke it truly was.

You finally realize: God is real. Life is just one big, divine goatse. You're dead inside.